Monthly Archives: November 2011

And the Oscar Host Is…

Well, well, well. After 2012 Academy Awards producer Brett Ratner quit, in the wake of a spectacularly lewd interview with Howard Stern, the host left too. Eddie Murphy, the surprising but fairly interesting choice to host the newest Oscars, has departed, leaving a big Norbit-shaped void at the podium.

So the question now is: who should host the 2012 Oscars? Let’s look at some contenders.

Ricky Gervais. The hilarious Englishman who brought us The Office unleashed a withering volley of celebrity-mockery when he hosted the Golden Globes. The result: angry movie stars and a delighted public. Maybe this time he’d do a little poll revealing that, of all the major film actors working today, only Wilford Brimley is a member of the 99%.

Pictured: the downtrodden of today.

Joan Rivers. You know you would watch.

Will Arnett and Alec Baldwin engaging in an all-night-long Deep, Gravely Voice Competition.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

The Muppets. There’s already a thousands-strong Twitter campaign in favor of a Muppets-hosted Oscars, and to be honest, it sounds awesome. But I have a few concerns/demands, to wit: (a) a Muppets Oscars had better not be as lame and “family-friendly” as the new movie promises to be (now, the older Muppets material? That stuff was genius!); (b) less of Kermit and Miss Piggy and more of Fozzie Bear, Statler & Waldorf, Beaker, that dude with no eyes, and the supporting cast; (c) all the really boring awards get announced by the Swedish Chef.

Heema gurnen bornen nornen noonen Sounden Editingen groonen boonen moonen durka burka durka durken Thornen. Bork bork bork!

Neil Patrick Harris. Okay, this time I’m serious. Neil Patrick Harris is a consummate performer, gifted with comic timing up to his ears. Plus, he could sing and dance in a few Broadway-style comedy numbers (since he’s got a great voice to boot, a voice he showed off when hosting the Tony awards [can he bring the dancing nuns??]). Neil Patrick Harris is the kind of performer you could see pulling off a Bob Hope-style run of years and years successfully hosting the Oscars: he’s got the experience, he radiates good humor and cheeriness, he has more charms than a Harry Potter book, he sort of oozes likability the way some politicians ooze toxic sludge, and–let’s be honest: nothing suits him like a suit.

Except possibly a flight suit.

Yes: ultimately I’m going to be voting for Neil Patrick Harris. Meanwhile, here are the five people LEAST likely to be hosting the 2012 Academy Awards:

That guy who interviewed LeBron James for The Decision.

Herman Cain.

Piers Morgan.

James Franco and Anne Hathaway.

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